Tell Your Story

This page is designed for you to tell your story of anti-gay or anti-transgender discrimination in the State of Delaware. Opponents of sexual orientation anti-discrimination legislation have said there is no need for such law since there is no appreciable anti-gay discrimination in Delaware (!!). By testifying to your negative experiences you may be able to bring about positive change.

Simply tell your story in your own words and submit it to doug@towardequality.org to have it considered for posting on this page. Submissions are subject to editing for appropriateness and length (suggested length under 600 words), but every effort will be made for your story to remain intact. It is your option to sign your full name, to give only a first name or initials, or to remain anonymous; of course your e-address will not be posted. Please identify your Delaware town or city if possible so that discrimination patterns may be tracked.

(On a related note, click here for documentation that approximately 500 sexual orientation discrimination complaints per year were fielded by the Delaware Department of Labor in 1999, the last year such a tally was kept.)

From Douglas Marshall-Steele, Milton (Posted 3/15/04)

In 1996 as an RN at Nanticoke Memorial Hospital in Seaford, Sussex County, Delaware, I lodged a complaint against a male MD who was making disparaging remarks to another RN about me as a gay man. He did not want to have to interact professionally with "that queer nurse" -- which of course would make me unable to perform my duties. He later told the same RN that he had once been an RN but he "was a real male nurse".

Following the chain of command and hospital policy, I lodged a complaint. In the course of the ensuing investigation, female RN's came forward with accounts of having been sexually harassed by the same MD (he whispering into their ears, stroking their arms, trying to unclasp the bra of an on-duty nurse, calling them "bitches", etc.). Eventually the MD was requested by the hospital to apologize to me and to stop his behaviors.

But then I was fired on such a transparent pretext after a period of increasing severity toward me that I knew the termination was in retaliation for my having reported the MD. I reported my case to the Delaware Department of Labor, which conducted an investigation and found "reasonable cause to believe that [Nanticoke] discriminated against [Marshall-Steele] with respect to his sex and that [Nanticoke] retaliated against him" for reporting the sexual harassment of the female nurses. Nanticoke would not settle with me at that point so it was kicked up to the federal level where the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) took my case. After conducting their own investigation, the EEOC found that my termination was retaliation for reporting the sexual harassment of the female nurses. (Meanwhile I was successful in receiving unemployment insurance even though Nanticoke kept appealing, even up to the Supreme Court of Delaware, which declined to hear it.) The EEOC & Nanticoke (without admitting guilt) settled the case on December 21, 2001 as per Civil Action No.01-182-SLR in United States District Court for the District of Delaware. I received a monetary award and the hospital had to perform a list of anti-discrimination & anti-retaliation injunctive relief measures.

It must be remembered that this series of events first began when I was homophobically victimized in a Delaware workplace and made a choice not to just take it.

The implied moral of my story is that without [equality legislation] gay employees in Delaware have no protections. If the MD had limited his abuse to homophobic treatment of me it would have been perfectly legal. If Nanticoke Hospital had fired me for being gay (or not hired me, or demoted me, or denied me a raise), that would have been perfectly legal. But because the doctor went on to sexually harass women (gender being a protected class both in Delaware and nationally), retaliation against my reporting it was illegal. So for the almost four years it took for my litigation, the injustice of sexual orientation bias in the workplace could not even be part of the basis of my suit.

The upshot? The MD continues to practice at Nanticoke Memorial Hospital and the hospital's nondiscrimination policy still does not include sexual orientation. Despite the settlement I nonetheless had lost my professional position and emotionally suffered very deeply. (For an article about the case in the national magazine SmartMoney, click here.)

From A., New Castle County (Posted 3/16/04)

Not long ago, I was working in a department of one of the major credit card banks in Wilmington. Working in this department was considered highly desirable, which enabled the management to pick the most qualified candidates. Many of the employees had worked together for years, and had proven performance track records. There were approximately 120 employees and approximately 10 supervisors, as well as upper management and support staff. S had interviewed me for my position in the department, and S was my first supervisor within the department.

The time came when the decision was made to close the department. Some employees chose to seek positions within other departments in the bank. Some employees opted for a severance package. And some were to be retained for a new department that would support a recently started branch of the company. All of the supervisors were offered positions within the new department, except S. The omission was glaringly obvious, especially considering S's experience and job performance. No explanation was offered.

In preparation for work within the new department, one evening our trainer M had remained after the other employees had left for the day. M went to use a piece of office equipment that was located just outside of the office of a senior manager. Not knowing that M was still at work, or that M was just outside the door, the senior manager felt no need to be guarded when discussing the real reason S was being let go while supervisors with less experience and less seniority were being retained. What M overheard was the reason S was the only supervisor to be let go was because there were "too many faggots".

I managed to keep my job within the new department for the following year. Why? Because I had been too afraid to come out.

From Eric A. Morrison, Wilmington (Posted 3/16/04)

I grew up in Bridgeville, Delaware. During my high school years, I worked as a cashier and bagger at a local grocery store, Food Lion, in the neighboring town of Seaford. In the summer of 1993, between my freshman and sophomore years at the University of Delaware Honors Program, I returned home for the summer and resumed my job at Food Lion. I was not out in high school, but had come out during my freshman year of college.

I worked with several close friends from high school, and I came out to them. Soon enough, word spread that I had come out of the closet, and I made no effort to hide this fact, although I did not broadcast it. Before long, a fellow worker began to harass me. The harassment began with glares and a refusal to speak to me, despite the fact that we had been on friendly terms when we worked together during my high school years. Before long, the harassment escalated into verbal threats, including death threats. He repeatedly told me how I deserved to die, and how he was going to kill me. He intended to kill me in the employee bathroom and smear my blood all over the walls, he told me. He called me epithets in front of employees and customers and cursed at me, calling me "a sick AIDS magnet" and telling me that "all faggots should be put on an island together and they could all give themselves AIDS until they die." He sometimes got very close to me physically while harassing me, and on several occasions I was seriously afraid of being physically attacked. I was especially frightened because I knew this employee had a history of mental illness, drug abuse, and had an extensive gun collection that he often kept in his car.

I knew I could not approach the store manager about this issue, because rumor had it that he, too, had called me epithets and he had stopped speaking to me when he learned of my sexuality. I approached my customer service manager instead, and she did nothing except to tell this other employee that he was not to speak to me and that we would not be scheduled to work together in the future. The incident was not written up and he received no formal disciplinary action, and I continued to fear for my safety and even my life throughout the summer. I did not report the situation to the police or to a government agency because I knew I had little if any legal recourse, and I did not feel comfortable reporting my sexual orientation to authorities without legal protection.

From Roy Toomey, Jr., Dagsboro (Posted 12/9/04)

My name is Roy Toomey, Jr. and I live in Dagsboro, Delaware. I was nearly gay-bashed by three teenaged boys at a fast-food restaurant in late 1997 or 1998.

My father (who since died in 1999) and I were enjoying our meal when a teenaged boy came over to our booth and started harassing my father and me. We ignored him. But then the boy and a second teenaged boy starting harassing us again. Again we ignored them.

We finished our meal and my father, being in the later stages of Parkinson’s Disease, wanted me to take him to the bathroom. We went to the bathroom together and I helped my father to use the urinal. After a few minutes the two boys with a third teenaged boy came into the bathroom and I became afraid for our safety. I said, “Dad, lets leave!"

We did leave together in my car and felt like we had just escaped being gay-bashed. It was obvious the teenaged boys saw two men having a meal together and assumed we were gay. Of course other combinations of men such as cousins, brothers or heterosexual friends can be mistaken for being gay and subject to bashing – so no one’s really safe from homophobes.

I hope my account saves people's lives.

From Alexander Tunnell (Posted 4/18/05)

I wanted to describe an experience that I had recently while in the Christiana ER. My sister’s partner of 5 years went to the ER by ambulance and I drove my sister to the ER (with my partner of almost 9 years). When we arrived in the ER we could see my sister’s partner just on the other side of the lobby with the ambulance attendants.

My sister asked the nurse behind the glass (all the way to the right) to let her in so she could be with her partner. She was informed to go all the way to the left for a visitors pass. When we went the cubicle all the way to the left there was no one there so we stood there for a few minutes thinking the person stepped out for a second. After several minutes I went back to the first nurse and she then told me that oh, the other woman was on break and would be right back (but she couldn’t give out a pass). We waited five more minutes or so and a nurse came into the lobby putting wheel chairs back. My sister asked her if she could let her back but again we were told to wait for the pass person. This nurse did go back to see what was happening and came back and said my sister's partner was being changed into a gown and no one could go back right now. She asked us to wait in the waiting room.

About 10 minutes later (now 15 minutes since we arrived) the father of my sister’s partner arrived and when we told him they wouldn’t give out a pass he went to the front lobby and spoke with someone. He came back a minute later and said he was given a pass and was going back. He stated, “What can I tell you?” when my sister in frustration said, “They won’t let me back."

At this point I went to the lobby and asked for an administrator. A “charge nurse” came out 5 minutes later and said there was no problem with my sister going back and gave her a pass. She said the hospital would never discriminate against a gay person and hold them back, this even after we explained what happened. She said it was just a confusion to which I said we made it clear who my sister was and we were still told no, yet her father was allowed back immediately. What was more frustrating was that the nurses behind the glass wall were laughing at us and completely unprofessional.

It reminds me again why we all need power of attorney over our partners and a living will. We always thought we wouldn’t have to worry given both our families are so supportive. It goes to show that when the chips are down people’s true self comes out as the father of my sister's partner had no problem circumventing her role as the significant other and seemed to forget that they were a couple.

From EMcG, Wilmington (Posted 4/24/05)

I'm a teacher in a public high school in Delaware. I have enjoyed a great career working with our young people for many years. All of my colleagues and most of my students and their parents know I am gay. It is pretty much a non-issue.

In 2001, our school psychologist and I were talking about at-risk students. She had a small supply of "Safe Space" stickers and she gave me one. These are gummed rectangular stickers approximately 2 x 4 inches long. They have a rainbow triangle and state (I forget the exact wording) that the person displaying the sticker has created a "safe space" for students of any sexual orientation. It also states that the sticker implies nothing about the sexual orientation of the person displaying it, but that anyone entering the safe space is free to discuss any gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender (or heterosexual) issues without fear of repression. I put the sticker on the bottom corner of the window of my classroom (our doors have a large pane of glass). It stayed there from March until October. It was undisturbed the whole time. Nobody ever asked about it nor came to me for counseling. However, the words "gay," "faggot," and "dyke" were not used either.

From one school year to the next, we had a new principal. I found the new principal very easy to work with. However, on an in-service day in October, the new principal called me to the office. Apparently, another faculty member had "complained" about the sticker on my door. The principal contacted the district's human resources department to find out if I was permitted to display this sticker. The response was that because it was on district property (a classroom door), it had to be removed. I was permitted to display the sticker on my briefcase or my rear bumper of my car, and I was permitted to provide the counseling that was offered on the sticker. However, by sticking it to a door, it implied that this was the position of the school district. I removed it as ordered, but pointed out that teachers throughout the district are permitted to display stickers in support of sports teams, organizations like the Sierra Club, and various colleges. In the weeks that followed, students kept asking me why I took the sticker off. I said, "The district requested it."

Although no students ever asked for LGBT counseling, many students felt they could confide in me about other things. Students talked to me about being in religious minorities, former domestic abuse, substance abuse problems, and the like. To me, this shows that bigotry serves only itself, and eventually consumes itself. Tolerance, on the other hand, serves everybody.

A significant number of accounts of egregious anti-gay discrimination committed in the State of Delaware were received, which the victims have not felt free to post on this page. In some cases the employee remains in the same workplace and fears reprisal; in others the aggrieved person is not "out" in all aspects of her/his life; in still other cases the person does not want to open old wounds and revisit the painful event. Fear and pain in other words keep us quiet -- and also silently argue for the need of protective law.